Ignore the industry scuttlebutt - danielraven.com is still in business! It's true that we've been semi-dormant since the early days of the so-called 'credit crunch', but there was never any question of bankruptcy or liquidation. We saw it more as a kind of executive hibernation - and now, like the mighty bear, we have woken from our slumbers with a renewed passion for delivering great service.
Yes, we overshot our original regeneration deadline of June 1st by a considerable - some might even say heroic - margin. Yes, our stock is at an all time low. Yes, our competitors consider us spent... But we feel, and feel sure you'll feel, that all this of is very much to our - and your - advantage. Confused? Don't be. In debt? Don't be. Planning a family? You won't be, once you've read The Picture of Leon Brittan...
It's a torrid true story from my own student days about a boy, a girl, an antique mechanical duck, a hybrid race of monster genitals from the far-flung reaches of a dark, distant dimension and a picture of Leon Brittan, Conservative Home Secretary 1983-85. Specifically this picture:
Stygian gulfs of unutterable horror
I wrote it, of course, for everyone to enjoy*, but it should appeal especially to students, H.P. Lovecraft enthusiasts, people who've never had sex but really wish they could and anyone who's ever looked between their legs and thought Why? A word of warning, though: it starts off dead normal (you'd almost think you were watching Neighbours!), but you'll need a strong stomach for the 'alien reveal' - it sickens even me. I should also point out that it's a bit on the long side, almost a short novella (shovella?), and at this delicate stage in human history the most I can offer you is Part One.
Stragglers, Johnny-come-latelies and Paul/Paula-put-it-offs may also enjoy Continuity, which has already been here ages. It concerns a woman who leaves her job on a no-budget afternoon soap opera because the scripts make too little sense, but soon finds her home life's production values suffering a similar downturn (a somewhat, shall we say, NUTSY downturn)...!
It should appeal especially to pedants, cannabis enthusiasts, people who work in TV but wish they didn't, people who enjoy the fantasy sequences at the start of Hollyoaks more than actual Hollyoaks and anyone who's ever seen a moustache that wasn't really there.
WARNING: all stories contain strong language and adult themes! (ALSO: weak excuses and childish scenes!)
* Except kids!